In Memory of Jeff. Chapter 1: Meeting Jeff.

I met Jeff in November of 2006. He was beginning his rotations through our hospital as an X-ray student through Chaffey College. He was this tall 6'2 guy with long hair down to his lower back (which was in a pony tail.) and Bluto-like beard & mustache. In the 2004 season of American Idol there was a contestant on that show named Bo Bice, another tall long haired bearded man. Jeff struck me as a Bo Bice look-alike. Soon after I gave him the nickname Bo Bice, which he hated. Other people had made that reference to him that same year. I do remember him saying that people had confused him with that AI contestant as well.

Because I didn't know Jeff, he struck me as someone who sure talked a lot. In those early days of knowing Jeff, his talking was, well annoying at first. Jeff not only wanted to know X-ray principles, he wanted to know them well. He was determined to be the best at his new career.

At this point, Jeff and his students were only scheduled once a week and they were only supposed to observe until they returned from Christmas break, which would be January 2007. I did learn that Jeff and I both were both Kaiser babies, born at Kaiser Fontana, 10 years apart.

Getting Fed Up With Japanese Escort Spam.

Okay, I guess it's because this is a public forum, one that anyone can view. On my dead blog, I'm getting Japanese porn sites and female companion spams on my comments. It's very annoying. I wish there was some way to block these idiots.

I'm just wondering if switch2planB or The Epic Beat are getting these spams as well? Most of them are written in Japanese but I can tell they are links since they are highlighted.

I've been restraining myself from posting lately because I tend to gripe a lot on my blogs. But I think this one is worth mentioning.

Out With The Old, In With The New.

Well, it looks like I'll be permanently closing my original blog and keep this as my main blog page. Managing two has been a pain,...well not too much. Because I have chosen to do nothing on either page due to my Facebook addiction.

Plus there have been certain family members who have gone off the deep end that I really wish to keep away from my blogs. That way I can voice opinions of their wrong-doings to their face and not have them discover my feelings on a blog.

It's kind of sad that I have to stick with this Blog name. Who knows, I might just scrap this blog too and move onto something else. I would really like blogging to remain a friendly casual environment to share stuff. Not turn into a grim, depressing gripe fest that it's turned into.

So hopefully starting in January 2010, you'll see a whole new H.W.S.R.N. blog around these parts. Oh, and I'll keep the Shag artwork going.

A Tug-O-War With God.

Well now that I've been working almost every weekend this summer, I've had some time to let the Kool-Aid from church wear off a bit. I feel the loss of connection with Jesus only because of certain things I've been noticing around my life.

You see, now I'm not so sure about following Christ. To me Christ is the big disappointment. He's been clobbering most of my friends and family over the past few years and I don't see the "test of faith" point to all this. I don't get the "prove it to me" aspect of what God requires from us.

It started with the loss of my two grandparents last year (one suffered Alzheimer's Disease for 10 years prior to her death), my friend from church lost his 3 year old daughter to epilepsy one night, my hands became crippled with arthritis and advised to walk away from guitar play forever, and my friend from work was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic bone cancer.

Which brings me to another person, a person who I've shared the stage with at my own church. He's been a very strong faith person (as the friend who lost his daughter), and yet keeps getting dealt a bad hand constantly. He lost his brother to a senseless brain tumor, his wife was having to be rushed to the ER from any perfume or scented anything anyone was wearing (throat started closing up whenever passed by an old lady wearing perfume) and now he himself is dealing with hearing loss from a work incident.

Why is God f'cking with believers? How is that supposed to strengthen your relationship with God? It really doesn't seem fair. I'm starting to think that maybe if I ease off on my relationship with Christ, maybe I'll avoid the radar.

Yet I find myself lately turning to Christian music stations without even realizing it. I listen to the Jesus Christ Show on KFI 640 AM on Sundays. So it's like my subconscious is trying to keep me connected while my conscious side is wanting to walk away.

I'm already convinced I'm not going to heaven anyway. I mean why would I when I can't stand half the people in the world already? I react to the slightest stupid act that I witness. How can I get along in heaven when I can't even stand the people here on earth? So may main friends who are hardcore believers....I don't see how you guys do it. I want what you have, I've prayed for what you have, I've prayed for strength each day to be a better person, avoid swearing like a sailor, and yet Christ seems so distant to me. I felt Him in 2004-2007, but something happened.

My hands are slightly improving, I realize I can no longer play in bands (which I loved slightly less than my wife and kids), considering returning to my church ministry of playing in worship service....but now, I'm not sure I'm worthy to fake the lie in my soul. But in the same sense, there's something in me searching for something. I loved that feeling of being connected to Christ in those early reborn years. I'm finding now that I'm not paying attention if He is speaking to me or not. I don't see God's benefit with the use of pain and tragedy. I guess it started with my hand diagnosis. Why would God take away my talent when I was using it for Him in ministry? To me that's just bullsh't.

Some of our treasured pastors have moved away, all because "God had a different direction" for them. At this point my view is that God takes away and takes away and is constantly demanding proof of your devotion. I feel like a sucker.

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What's Going To Happen To My Blog?

Man, I can think of a bunch of X-ray stuff to talk about but it's not really the focus of my blog. I feel bad for some of you who have been following my blog here. I've become a chronic Facebook'er. So everything that has to be said, is said there...to a certain extent.

Lots of personal stuff going on; problems with my own health, mother's personal situation, my declining music involvement (did I say health?) and overall disgust with my own job situation.

I'm not sure if I should continue to keep this blog well rounded or to set aside as my own darker side of life journal. ???

If you follow, or used to follow because my content has fallen off sharply, please comment and let me know what you'd like to see. I am limited on what and who I can discuss here, since I have an undesirable checking my other blog and thus might lead to legal consequences for myself or the other individual.

So whatcha, whatcha, whatcha wont?

Hangar 24 Orange Wheat Beer. Very Nice.

I just found this great beer at La Bodega last week. A buddy at work and I have been talking about different beers and so every so often have been buying different 6 packs of beer.

So this beer made by Hangar 24, based out of an airplane hangar in Redlands is brewed by one person. According to the La Bodega owner, this beer has been selling like crazy. I guess they sell this beer on tap at Killarney's Irish Pub, and so many patrons have been stopping by La Bodega. The Hangar 24 case display was pretty much bare when I bought mine.

I did some research and he actually uses oranges from local Redlands orange groves to produce this amazingly light tasting beer. When I say light, I mean it's not a very heavy tasting beer but it's still full of flavor. There's a nice light citrus aftertaste. The flavor is satisfying enough to make you crave another. Most beers I've tried have moved me to that point since college. But back then, the motion to have another was for another reason.

I picture having one of these on the back patio grilling up some lemon herb chicken or swordfish with a little rice pilaf and some steamed carrots. I'll definitely have some of this on hand this summer.

Hangar 24 does provide tours so I'm thinking my buddy from work will be heading out there sometime in the near future. Drink responsibly kiddies.

I Find It Funny That I Had To Fib About Facebook On My Other Blog.

Ok, truth is, I don't really go onto MySpace. I'm actually on Facebook more than anything. For some reason, Facebook has taken my time away from blogging and more into checking out other people's lives on Facebook. I love it.

But, as I said in my other blog, I find that I've been falling down in my blogging duties because I crave aknowledgement, or link love some call it, or what I call, a comment whore. I love the instant gratification of instant or at least frequent responses that I get from Facebook.

I imagine the sound of crickets in the background whenever I post a blog topic lately. But probably because everyone else I know is on Facebook. I just wanted to appologize to those who think that I might have run dry in the topic department in my blogging duties.