Out With The Old, In With The New.

Well, it looks like I'll be permanently closing my original blog and keep this as my main blog page. Managing two has been a pain,...well not too much. Because I have chosen to do nothing on either page due to my Facebook addiction.

Plus there have been certain family members who have gone off the deep end that I really wish to keep away from my blogs. That way I can voice opinions of their wrong-doings to their face and not have them discover my feelings on a blog.

It's kind of sad that I have to stick with this Blog name. Who knows, I might just scrap this blog too and move onto something else. I would really like blogging to remain a friendly casual environment to share stuff. Not turn into a grim, depressing gripe fest that it's turned into.

So hopefully starting in January 2010, you'll see a whole new H.W.S.R.N. blog around these parts. Oh, and I'll keep the Shag artwork going.

A Tug-O-War With God.

Well now that I've been working almost every weekend this summer, I've had some time to let the Kool-Aid from church wear off a bit. I feel the loss of connection with Jesus only because of certain things I've been noticing around my life.

You see, now I'm not so sure about following Christ. To me Christ is the big disappointment. He's been clobbering most of my friends and family over the past few years and I don't see the "test of faith" point to all this. I don't get the "prove it to me" aspect of what God requires from us.

It started with the loss of my two grandparents last year (one suffered Alzheimer's Disease for 10 years prior to her death), my friend from church lost his 3 year old daughter to epilepsy one night, my hands became crippled with arthritis and advised to walk away from guitar play forever, and my friend from work was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic bone cancer.

Which brings me to another person, a person who I've shared the stage with at my own church. He's been a very strong faith person (as the friend who lost his daughter), and yet keeps getting dealt a bad hand constantly. He lost his brother to a senseless brain tumor, his wife was having to be rushed to the ER from any perfume or scented anything anyone was wearing (throat started closing up whenever passed by an old lady wearing perfume) and now he himself is dealing with hearing loss from a work incident.

Why is God f'cking with believers? How is that supposed to strengthen your relationship with God? It really doesn't seem fair. I'm starting to think that maybe if I ease off on my relationship with Christ, maybe I'll avoid the radar.

Yet I find myself lately turning to Christian music stations without even realizing it. I listen to the Jesus Christ Show on KFI 640 AM on Sundays. So it's like my subconscious is trying to keep me connected while my conscious side is wanting to walk away.

I'm already convinced I'm not going to heaven anyway. I mean why would I when I can't stand half the people in the world already? I react to the slightest stupid act that I witness. How can I get along in heaven when I can't even stand the people here on earth? So may main friends who are hardcore believers....I don't see how you guys do it. I want what you have, I've prayed for what you have, I've prayed for strength each day to be a better person, avoid swearing like a sailor, and yet Christ seems so distant to me. I felt Him in 2004-2007, but something happened.

My hands are slightly improving, I realize I can no longer play in bands (which I loved slightly less than my wife and kids), considering returning to my church ministry of playing in worship service....but now, I'm not sure I'm worthy to fake the lie in my soul. But in the same sense, there's something in me searching for something. I loved that feeling of being connected to Christ in those early reborn years. I'm finding now that I'm not paying attention if He is speaking to me or not. I don't see God's benefit with the use of pain and tragedy. I guess it started with my hand diagnosis. Why would God take away my talent when I was using it for Him in ministry? To me that's just bullsh't.

Some of our treasured pastors have moved away, all because "God had a different direction" for them. At this point my view is that God takes away and takes away and is constantly demanding proof of your devotion. I feel like a sucker.

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What's Going To Happen To My Blog?

Man, I can think of a bunch of X-ray stuff to talk about but it's not really the focus of my blog. I feel bad for some of you who have been following my blog here. I've become a chronic Facebook'er. So everything that has to be said, is said there...to a certain extent.

Lots of personal stuff going on; problems with my own health, mother's personal situation, my declining music involvement (did I say health?) and overall disgust with my own job situation.

I'm not sure if I should continue to keep this blog well rounded or to set aside as my own darker side of life journal. ???

If you follow, or used to follow because my content has fallen off sharply, please comment and let me know what you'd like to see. I am limited on what and who I can discuss here, since I have an undesirable checking my other blog and thus might lead to legal consequences for myself or the other individual.

So whatcha, whatcha, whatcha wont?

Hangar 24 Orange Wheat Beer. Very Nice.

I just found this great beer at La Bodega last week. A buddy at work and I have been talking about different beers and so every so often have been buying different 6 packs of beer.

So this beer made by Hangar 24, based out of an airplane hangar in Redlands is brewed by one person. According to the La Bodega owner, this beer has been selling like crazy. I guess they sell this beer on tap at Killarney's Irish Pub, and so many patrons have been stopping by La Bodega. The Hangar 24 case display was pretty much bare when I bought mine.

I did some research and he actually uses oranges from local Redlands orange groves to produce this amazingly light tasting beer. When I say light, I mean it's not a very heavy tasting beer but it's still full of flavor. There's a nice light citrus aftertaste. The flavor is satisfying enough to make you crave another. Most beers I've tried have moved me to that point since college. But back then, the motion to have another was for another reason.

I picture having one of these on the back patio grilling up some lemon herb chicken or swordfish with a little rice pilaf and some steamed carrots. I'll definitely have some of this on hand this summer.

Hangar 24 does provide tours so I'm thinking my buddy from work will be heading out there sometime in the near future. Drink responsibly kiddies.

I Find It Funny That I Had To Fib About Facebook On My Other Blog.

Ok, truth is, I don't really go onto MySpace. I'm actually on Facebook more than anything. For some reason, Facebook has taken my time away from blogging and more into checking out other people's lives on Facebook. I love it.

But, as I said in my other blog, I find that I've been falling down in my blogging duties because I crave aknowledgement, or link love some call it, or what I call, a comment whore. I love the instant gratification of instant or at least frequent responses that I get from Facebook.

I imagine the sound of crickets in the background whenever I post a blog topic lately. But probably because everyone else I know is on Facebook. I just wanted to appologize to those who think that I might have run dry in the topic department in my blogging duties.

I Am Totally Obsessing Over This Beer!

So there's a guy at work who's starting up his own home brewing system. We've been talking about certain types of beers and how they're brewed.

Now I've tried beer made by the Kona Brewing Co called "Longboard". And yes the impressive surf style packaging is what attracted me to this wonderful lager beer. But the last time I was at La Bodega, I noticed this limited edition called "Pipeline Porter". It's made with 100% kona coffee. It is the most unique flavor I've ever tried.

You'd think that with coffee it would be a very bitter, nasty tasting beer. But it's not. In fact it's got a slightly sweet, almost hint of chocolate aftertaste. Very nice. Only problem is that Kona only makes this beer during a certain time of year. It's their fall season beer. Kona Brewing also makes a Spring, Summer, and Winter limited edition beer too.

My buddy from work picked up the last 6 pack at a store near his house so I was recently able to get some more. But I'm trying to make this last as long as possible. Really worth looking for next fall '09.

Dave's "Truth Stories" Blog.

I guess I'll be reserving this blog site for what's really going on in my life since WAY too many people have been following my other blog (not to be named). If word ever got out about this blog site, I'd probably have to shut down this site.

I've been dealing with some pretty bad depression lately. I'm not sure how much collateral depression I've been taking on but I've been pretty down for about 2 months now. It really got out of hand this past week. I'm back to feeling surrounded by sorrow and tragedy. Now it's at the point where people at work are starting to take notice. This sent up a red flag because I'm pretty good at hiding personal issues from work.

Luckily I worked through a few theories with my wife and I'm a little better today. I have a lot of empathy for people, especially people going through tough times. Between reading about job lay-offs, friend's relatives dying, co-worker being diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic bone cancer, it's been really taking it's toll on me. I want to be supportive for people, but I guess I've been internalizing the emotions lately. I constantly look at things from the other person's perspective. So in feeling bad for someone, I in turn feel really bad myself.

My own issues are bad enough then I heap on other people's troubles. Mark Lamberth, I didn't even know the guy and yet I see one of his relatives that work at my building and my heart just gets heavy for him. Thinking about what emotions he might be going through. Weird huh?

Having all of this internalized pain also makes me question my relationship with God. Shouldn't I be stronger knowing God is using these lows for the betterment of us all? Shouldn't my relationship with God give me strength rather than being down in the dumps? By allowing myself to get so depressed, I fear that I'm doubting my faith. Plus struggling with my hand pain issues (has now spreaded to both hands without even touching a guitar) and back pain issues, that God has something else in mind for me. In the back of my mind, I feel like God wants me to put him first more, then MAYBE he'll restore my hands. I don't know. I need to spend some quality alone time with my creator and see what He says.

So, this is the 3 day that I've called off from work, just to get my s**t together. I've blogged about stuff like this before and the process has been very therapeutic. Let's see what time and prayer does.